I just won't

Hey
I can say that, I can say this
I can say a lot of things

That I will never leave your side
That I will always be there for you
That you will have my hand to hold on to,
my shoulder to rest on and
my heart to keep forever.

That you will have too much of happiness to worry about.
That you will have someone driving you crazy everyday with love and care.
That you will become so addicted to the freedom he gives you, you cannot leave his side.

Seriously I can say that, I can say this. All the above and much much more.
But Hey, why would I say all that when I have decided to let you experience it and see for yourself.

No, I am not saying anything to you. I just won't.

A Privilege

I lost my father. Not my birth father but the person who brought me up since I was three. My mom's dad and my grandfather. A person of exemplary character and great values. A sincere, efficient and kind doctor who had helped hundreds over a career spanning 40 years. A loving grandfather who taught me everything I know, who is the inspiration and reason for what I am. I lost him. We lost him. It was sudden, unexpected and cruel. Everyday is a constant struggle now. Sanity being elusive since then. Sadness thats permeates every cell of the body and becomes a permanent part of the mind. Amidst all the complex and disheartening and disorienting thoughts there is only one thing that I am sure of. It's been a privilege. To have known him. To have lived with him. To have spent 20 years with him. It's been a huge privilege. Have known that all along and realize it more now. He was and is a great man and there are very few like him. To have lost both parents as a kid, to have overcome numerous hardships and become one of the greatest and most well-known doctors of his time, to have remained so modest, unselfish, helpful and hard-working all his life it takes so much will-power and mental fortitude. It's just impossible to be like him. He is one of the most hardworking persons I know. Even to his last day. A common snippet out of his life: He used to haul 10 gallons of water by foot everyday from the wells to the families in his village on a 15km round trip before he went to school. And many more like that.

I miss you grandpa. I miss you so much.